About

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I pace up and down the bathroom and what only seems like a few minutes, seems like hours. Maybe I should check on it now. Nah, let it sit for a little bit longer so that it's 100% accurate."Are you OK?" My friend was standing on the other side of the door. Of course I'm not OK. If I am pregnant, my parents are going to kill me. I know many girls that got pregnant and they had to do it on their own and I'm next! What would my parents say? What would I do? My friend's knock on the door snaps me back into reality. I stopped pacing and faced the mirror. 

Inhale, exhale. 

I grabbed the test and fixed my focus into the little window that let's you know if you've messed up your entire life. 

Double lines. 

Dark, pink double lines. That can't be right. I started fumbling around, trying to find the instructions to the test. I find it and get the confirmation I was hoping not to find: Double lines = pregnant. 

My mouth instantly turned dry, making it very hard to swallow. My heart dropped into my stomach. My friend knocked at the door again. I placed the test back on the bathroom sink and walked towards the door. When I opened the door and locked eyes with my dear friend, no words were exchanged. I found myself in her hug, in her comfort and the tears began to fall. 

This is the worst day of my life.

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Isn't it funny how in your present moment you truly believe it's the worst or the best possible situation? Then, years later you realise it wasn't all that bad or why did I think that was ever a good thing? It's exactly what I felt in that moment when I found out I was pregnant at 19. Obviously being only 19, you're fresh out of high school and still "discovering" what you want to do with yourself, so finding out that I was pregnant was not ideal. Can I tell you something though? My son was the best thing to ever happen to me! Sure, he's constantly pushing the boundaries of my character but being a mother has taught me more about myself than any university degree could ever teach me. In the years of his existence, he has taught me about my abilities to love and to serve. He has revealed in me the drive, the courage and the resilience that I am always looking for. 

This blog is dedicated to the love that I have for my child. To the many adventures we have had and will have. Dedicated to the lessons that I am learning through the ups and downs of motherhood and self discovery of God's calling over my life. Dedicated to those who will hopefully find a tiny bit of inspiration through my personal experiences. I hope as well that when my son continues to grow, he can read through this blog and say, "Yeah, my mum really loves me."